“OK, wise guy, enough cheap talk. How would you solve the big issues facing our country? What would you do?”
I get emails asking this entirely reasonable question regularly. Some readers believe that whoever identifies a problem should also solve it. On the spot.
Becoming Supreme Grand Poobah
So in this exercise we’re going to assume that I am no longer an ink-stained wretch living outside Johnson City in a renovated manufactured home. Instead, I have suddenly been elevated to Supreme Grand Poobah. I have unlimited power and a Congress that has been replaced by a very cute troupe of monkeys that adore my every word.
This is not as far-fetched as it seems. Some would say that we are only a handful of monkeys away from this situation right now.
So, what would I do?
I think you’ll be surprised that my first edicts would not be about Social Security, health care, taxes or any of those really sexy topics. As Supreme Grand Poobah, my priorities might not match the dominant political discourse.
Pet Peeves
First, I would address my pet peeves. Why not? I’m Supreme Grand Poobah!
To put you in the proper (dark) mood, I suggest listening to “Whatever Happened to Class?” from the musical “Chicago.” You can do that here.
— I’ll make America Great for English again with an Executive Order. Everyone who makes excessive use of the word “like” would be interned in a retraining facility. They are released when, and if, they can be trusted to use the word with extreme moderation.
— My second EO would send those caught chewing gum with their mouths open, particularly those who like to turn their gum over while you are watching, to another set of retraining facilities. If this step proves inadequate, I will ban the production and sale of gum.
— My third EO would be a dress and body odor code for airline passengers. It may be impossible to make seats larger, with more legroom, but wife-beater T-shirts would no longer be allowed, and no passengers could board their flight if they looked like they had just left a Laundromat or do-it-yourself carwash.
Yes, this could be a hardship for some airports. Austin Bergstrom, for example, might need to shut down until the Austin population adjusted.
Only then would I approach complex problems.
—Social Security. Republicans want to end it. Democrats want to expand it. I think it’s good-to-great as it is, except for that nagging funding problem. To fix that, I’d replace the 15.3 percent employment tax with a corporate value-added tax. The immediate consequence would be a big take-home pay increase for workers. It would also yield more tax revenue. Then I’d eliminate the corporate income tax altogether so that some lawyers and accountants might have the glorious experience of actual manual labor.
Part of the deal here is to recognize Social Security as a life- and economy – sustaining program. And, trust fund talk not withstanding, it’s really a pay-as-you-go deal. So the tax would be changed accordingly to meet the revenue requirements of whatever we decide our social contract is. I’m hoping that the monkey troupe doesn’t favor people starving and dying in the street, but I may be an optimist.
As Supreme Grand Poobah, my personal belief is that we have achieved a level of income and wealth that should make it possible to live happily without gated communities to keep out the hungry and homeless.
—Healthcare. Trust me, Medicare is a really good program. I’ve been on it for 14 years, have had great care, excellent access and, best of all, I’m still alive. So how about a Medicare Advantage plan for everyone? It would be paid by government but managed by private insurance companies. It would not be attached to your job. It would be entirely portable. No denial for pre-existing conditions. Some variation on that is what our European neighbors have. They live longer than we do, so really, their plan can’t be all that bad.
Call me weird, but I think an extra two or three years of life is a crazy big deal. It’s worth a few bucks and some major institutional discomfort to achieve.
— Taxes. I would end the federal income tax. I would replace it with a national sales tax. According to IRS data for 2017, the income threshold for the top 50 percent of taxpayers is about $41,740. All taxpayers would receive a “prebate” equal to the sales tax on their income up to $41,740. As a consequence, half of all earners would have their sales tax payments offset by their prebate.
Read my lips: No net tax.
Above the median income threshold, the sales tax would begin to bite. “Back of the envelope” calculations suggest those with $100,000 in earnings would pay about 11 percent of total income in taxes. Those at $400,000 would pay about 21 percent of their income in taxes. This would raise about the same amount as our current income tax system.
Liberals like to say sales taxes are unfair and regressive. They usually are. But with a prebate, we’d have a tax system that was more genuinely progressive than the current system. Nor would we be punishing the wealthy with excessively high tax rates. We’d just be collecting taxes in a very efficient way. The really nice thing is that when a wealthy spendthrift goes for that extra kilo of caviar with the Dom Perignon, everyone would benefit because a hefty sales tax would be paid. Let’s drink to that!
This notion isn’t original to your Supreme Grand Poobah. It’s from Fair Tax, a Houston organization founded in 1995 that advocates a national sales tax.
— Environment and Climate Change. In modern times, I believe “the pursuit of happiness” mentioned in our Declaration of Independence means neither public nor private interests can be destructive of the public commons – our air, water and public lands. This means environmental regulation must work to make the country we pass to future generations a better place, not a degraded place.
It also means a rapid, subsidized shift to electric vehicles, a shift that could permanently make us energy efficient and independent. This is more important than going back to the moon or going to Mars. It’s something we should have done instead of engaging in a fruitless effort to maintain stability in the Middle East since the first OPEC embargo.
We can do this. Our children and grandchildren will thank us for it. And none will die in a foreign country defending our right to import oil.
Related columns:
Scott Burns, “The only tax reform worth talking about,” 02/01/2005 https://scottburns.com/the-only-tax-reform-worth-talking-about/
Sources and References:
Lyrics and sound track for “Whatever happened to class?” from the musical “Chicago” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJ15SjXt-ek
IRS.gov website for statistics of income by tax rate and income percentile https://www.irs.gov/statistics/soi-tax-stats-individual-statistical-tables-by-tax-rate-and-income-percentile
This information is distributed for education purposes, and it is not to be construed as an offer, solicitation, recommendation, or endorsement of any particular security, product, or service.
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(c) Scott Burns, 2019