Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That’s why I was driven, once again, to channel the wisdom of the Supreme Grand Poohbah. If you missed previous appearances of His Magnificence, the Poohbah is the Grand Me. He is the ink-stained wretch you know but writ large and omnipotent.
Getting the Poohbah’s attention is never easy. This time, he was annoyed and short tempered.
Why? I had taken him away from helping Santa Claus develop a global list of who was naughty and who was nice.
“Listen carefully,” he said. “I’m not going to repeat this. There are four steps to turning America around. Regular people are going to have to make this happen. The politicians won’t. They all want to declare their glory as they go down with their ideological ship.
“I’m more practical. The best way to achieve immortality is by not dying. So, listen up. There are four steps to saving America. The world will go along for the ride. The first is something we should have done half a century ago.”
“What could that be?” I asked.
“Make Middle Eastern Oil Irrelevant” he said. Then he added, “Yeah, I know. Somehow MMEOI doesn’t roll off your tongue. Probably won’t work as a hat, either.”
“But what does it mean?” I asked.
“It means going all-in on alternatives to reduce the role of oil in the global economy,” Poohbah answered.
“It means going Manhattan Project Big on solar, wind, geothermal and nuclear power. It means optimizing it all with battery power. It means understanding that new sources of electrical power are more important than the oil industry. It means the oil industry still has a significant future. But it just isn’t as important as overcoming global dependence on Middle Eastern energy.
“Now that the vested interests and the politicians have wasted half a century trying every other solution, it’s time to get real and make the transition away from oil for transportation. So let’s just do it.”
“What else do we need to do?” I asked.
“Save Social Security. The politicians have it all ass-backwards. They want to pay for things after-the-fact. We need to let compound interest work for us, not against us. That means buying the future security of the young as they are born, not trying to pay for it month by month. We’ve already got a program that shows the way. It’s just far too small.”
“What program is that?” I asked.
“It’s the Trump American Dream Accounts. They put a small sum aside for newborns. It can compound into a much larger sum over time. Michael Dell made a charitable gift to dis-advantaged newborns with the same principle.
“The math is simple. A dollar today grows into many, many dollars in 65 years. This problem can’t be solved overnight. But it can be solved over 65 years. All we need to do is give wealthy people a tax break for pre-funding the retirement of each child they fund. In due course, this will eliminate the employment tax. The employment tax is the largest part of the tax burden for most working Americans. It’s also the fastest growing tax.
“The next step is to do the same thing with health care – turn its focus around so that it benefits from time rather than paying an accumulated debt to the elderly. If we focus on the health and nurture of the young, we’ll prevent enormous costs in the future.”
“Can you give me an example?” I asked.
“Sure. Just as we’ve known that Middle Eastern oil was a global problem since 1973 and failed to deal with it directly, we’ve known that cigarettes cause cancer since 1964. But the industry continues and reinvents itself year after year. Our failure to end the health hazard costs an estimated $150,000 to $400,000 per death. And that doesn’t include the utter misery of years of unhealthy life before death.
“Treatment costs for other newly approved cancer drugs run about $25,000 a month. Few extend a patient’s life. And quality of life is never mentioned. The same $25,000 can support hundreds of endangered infants. And those same infants, grown and healthy, will be able to care for others rather than consume care.
“Health care providers and insurance companies have been promising they would deliver efficiencies and innovation in health care for decades. But we still have a system that routinely provokes fear and anxiety in people by its ability to exclude, upcharge and make getting care difficult. We need a system that makes people confident that they will receive health care without worrying about going broke.”
“Has any country actually done that?” I asked.
“Let’s just say perfection is elusive,” Poohbah answered.
“What’s clear is that American health care isn’t nearly as good as it could be. People could feel a lot better about how it is delivered and priced. We could borrow a lot from other countries. We should do that, borrow what works.”
“OK, that’s three big steps. What’s the fourth step?” I asked.
“Level the Tax Playing Field!” The Supreme Grand Poohbah shouted out. “This doesn’t mean tax wealth. It doesn’t mean punish the wealthy, either. It means recognizing all the income that escapes taxation. It means treating that income like the wage income regular people pay taxes on. Billions in unrealized capital gains disappear and aren’t taxed at death. This year, a couple can have an estate of $30 million and pay no estate tax, in addition to escaping the tax on any unrealized capital gains. Wealthy people can also give $19,000 a year to any number of beneficiaries without reducing their estate exemption.
“It doesn’t stop there. The growth of pass-through businesses creates huge opportunities to enjoy the benefits of assets without paying any taxes. All of this is documented in ‘The Everywhere Millionaire: Who Is Really Rich in America and How They Got There.’”
“Can we make our politicians do this?” I asked.
“Don’t hold your breath. Every single elected official we have is so busy raising money for their next election that they haven’t had a logical thought for as long as they’ve been in office. For some, that means decades of being utterly mindless.”
“So we’re doomed?” I asked.
“Maybe. But I still believe in luck and magic. It has kept us going for a long time.” With that, the Supreme Grand Poohbah disappeared in a puff of smoke.
It wasn’t from a cigarette.
Related columns:
Scott Burns, “What I’d Do To Save America,” 11/23/2019: https://scottburns.com/what-id-do-to-save-america/
Scott Burns, “The Supreme Grand Poohbah Saves Social Security,” 5/4/2025: https://scottburns.com/the-supreme-grand-poohbah-saves-social-security/
Scott Burns, “Go, Supreme Grand Poohbah!,” 9/6/2025: https://scottburns.com/go-supreme-grand-poohbah/
Scott Burns,” 10/3/2026: https://scottburns.com/do-it-yourself-and-time-poverty/
Sources and References:
Owen Zidar and Eric Zwick, “The Everywhere Millionaire: Who Is Really Rich In America And How They Got There”: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250378508/?bestFormat=true&k=everywhere%20millionaire&ref_=nb_sb_ss_w_scx-ent-bk-v2_k0_1_11_de&crid=HXJKF7EJK6JP&sprefix=Everywhere%20
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Photo: Scott Burns, Austin skyline on a perfect October day
(c) Scott Burns, 2026